hey greensophia still in sophie's world?

GREENSOPHIA! Still there?
you wrote
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The school that I graduated from does not have any theology class or whatever on its curriculum but what I remember about Aquinas is his effort to reconcile philosophy (specifically Aristotle’s Ф) with Christianity. He says that philosophy and religion are not contradictory and that in fact these two reinforce each other. For him, there are two ways or paths to a moral life: the Bible (religion) and reason (philosophy).

But anyway ok… you argue: “now, if conscietia is fallible, then there can be no absolute conscience, therefore, there is no absolute morality. there can be no absolute thing if that thing or a part of it is fallible.” I don’t agree with this… it is a fallacy. You see morality is not a part of conscience so whether the latter is fallible or not, it does not affect the nature of the former. Conscience is the alarm bell of humanity; it rings and sends warning when we disobey the law of God. Further, the mere fact that there is a part of conscience that is absolute and that recognizes God’s law which is of course absolute, proves the existence of the absolute morality that I am talking about. Now, do you get me?

Ok, on your next argument. “conscience, you say is the basis of your universal morality.” I did not say this, Mr. Bangi. You misunderstood what I said. I meant the other way around: morality is the basis of conscience. Read my fist comment again if you don’t believe me. Ah, there it is again. “now, if such inner voice, or conscience varies from one locality to another, then morality varies as well. thus making morality not universal.” Aside from the fallacy that I pointed earlier I can see here that you are making the conscience one sided by arguing such. Wait, do you believe in Aquinas when he said that conscience is composed of two “parts”? I believe that conscience, if not absolute, at least possesses a part that is absolute and if ever there are indeed two parts of it I believe that the “absolute part” of the conscience is far more powerful than the other one which is affected by man’s environment. I do not deny the influence of one’s environment and culture on one’s thinking but surely there must be a limit to it. You said so yourself: “no thing must have come from nothing.”

The law of God is the basis of some of the laws that we have now, it is the starting point. “not all criteria morality had come from God alone…” So, you somehow believe that there are laws that come from God? What do you call those laws then? Do you not think that if those laws came from God then they should be absolute?

Death penalty is a man-made law and for me it goes against morality for they are making themselves like gods. They don’t have any right to take any one’s life (however heavy the case that is against a man) since they are not the ones who created life itself. There are other forms of punishment that can teach humans to abide the laws and certainly death penalty is just too much a punishment for a human being. Only God can take a life without committing a sin. Now, regarding your last illustration… hmmmm.. ok. It is a very sensitive issue when it comes to IPs. You see they have their own laws there, indigenous laws that are made by their forefathers. Further, IPs usually are non-Christians but they also believe that there is a God or gods for that matter. They are too inclined with their own culture and beliefs and I do not say that this is wrong. I have high respect for these people and I admire them for their beautiful culture. But my own view on tribes that kill as a way of life (I know my anthropologist teacher in college will disagree with this and I may be branded as ethnocentric) is that their conscience had been put off for they practice killing for centuries already. Yes, it is ethnocentrism but this is my stand and I will stick with this for I believe that no one, no group, and no culture is above the law of God. And who knows if they do not feel guilty by killing a person? And maybe they do that because of necessity; maybe they do not have enough food which means that they do not voluntarily kill a person. It is hard to tell. Let me give you another example. A was killed in a far away village where “killing is a way of life”. But A is not a part of that village; he was just this lost man from a city. Now, is that fair? How then can you reconcile the beliefs of a village from that of the city? Thus, there must be a law that is universal to man and that is the law of God.
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Hi, I’m back. Sorry for the long lull, things became so ugly these past two months. First, I would want to say that my hunches are stronger now as to who you are. But I will act as if they are not. I am enjoying this anyway. So where were we again?

The conscience thing. I have misread it. You were right, I have read it otherwise. with carelessness, I have read that your argument the other way around.

You should forgive me because after I have read your latest post again this time, I failed to seize my self from laughing. Apparently, there is nothing more to debate on because it is clear that you are just hiding behind the bushes for the sake of writing something. We do not have to become cryptologists to conclude as such.

Case one: (boy oh boy did I miss this) you said that “the mere fact that there is a part of conscience that is absolute and that recognizes God’s law which is of course absolute, proves the existence of the absolute morality that I am talking about. Now, do you get me?”

Ok, leme try to define absolute to you again. Absolute for me is the state of being conclusive and non-rebuttable. Complement of my Webster’s dictionary, absolute means whole, complete, having unrestricted power, not conditioned by any or dependent upon anything else. Philosophy defines absolute (if I could remember) as existing independently of any cause outside itself and our sense perception. Still with me?

Now, having written so, absolute morality is morality that is conclusive, non-rebuttable. It is a concept of good that is not subject to restrictions, which entails interpretations by mere mortals. It is a concept of moral and immoral that is existing independently of any cause outside itself. Meaning, it is a concept of good that deviates from question of “what makes good good?” and “what makes evil evil?”

Ok, I think I am deviating form the first case that I have pointed out.

Based on what you have written, the mere fact that there is a part of conscience that is not absolute makes conscience non-conclusive, rebuttable, and therefore relative. Now, God’s law, you said is absolute. But only in the level of God. Conscience, you said recognizes God’s law, and you recognize that a part of conscience is not absolute, and then therefore, the existence of morality, which is pegged on God’s law that is being recognized by a non-conclusive conscience, makes the morality relative. Still with me?

Case two: you said “I believe that conscience, if not absolute, at least possesses a part that is absolute and if ever there are indeed two parts of it I believe that the “absolute part” of the conscience is far more powerful than the other one which is affected by man’s environment”

The issue not what is more powerful and what is weaker, the issue is the absolutism of the matter at hand. Now if you believe that the absolute part is stronger, then you recognize that a part of conscience is fallible, thus taking me back to my earlier argument, conscience is relative. And again, morality which came from God’s law that is further recognized by conscience is relative to what the conscience thinks as fallible or infallible.

Ok, let us move one from conscience since I have misread you r argument as saying that conscience is the root of morality.

Case three: you said that “I do not deny the influence of one’s environment and culture on one’s thinking but surely there must be a limit to it”

What is there to debate on? This statement means that you recognize that there is no limit as to environment and culture’s influence on the people’s perception of good and evil. Fishes are caught in their mouths my friend.

You said “must” meaning there should be. Dualism dictates that there is no “there must be” if there is no “there is no.” you’re still with me? Ok, for your convenience I would define “must.”

Must is something that should be. According again to my dictionary, must means to be obliged or compelled to, something that should be done. Now, you said that there must be a limit as to environment and culture’s influence on people’s perception of good and evil. There must be. So you recognize that there isn’t a limitation to the influence. Now what happens to the people’s perception of good and evil that is not covered by the limitation that you were talking about? Correct! They are subject to environment and culture’s influence, which again will bring me to my original argument that environment and culture are relative, thus making morality, which is dictated upon by these two factors, is relative to the environment and culture that they were influenced by. Don’t blame me, you’re the one who made that argument, I just destroyed it and exposed your stand. And apparently we are on the same side. Imagine that.

Case three: you said that (which I have earlier rebutted) “The law of God is the basis of some of the laws that we have now, it is the starting point.”

Who is God in this? Catholics and protestants have Jesus Christ as their god; Muslims have Allah as their god; Buddhists have Buddha as their God; hinduists have Vishnu, Shiva and I forgot the other one, as their gods; Rizalinians have Jose Rizal as their god, atheists have their selves as their gods, and IP’s have their anitos as their gods. So whose god are you talking about?

The law of God for Catholics is not necessarily the same as the law of Allah. They are different, which explains Christians love life, characterized by God’s teaching “thou shall not kill,” and Moslems, on the other hand, are open to death, which is characterized by their willingness to die and kill for Allah and Islam. To Christians, to kill leads the faithfuls to hell because it is a sin, to Moslems, to kill for Allah and Islam leads them to paradise because killing and dying is allowed in the context Jihad. Killing and Dying are still killing and dying. You get what I mean? Saba and caradaba (did I get the spellings right?) are still bananas. Indian mango and manggang kalabaw are still mangoes. So now I ask, greensophia where is morality’s absolutism in this?

Religion can never be a requisite to morality’s absolutism because there is no one God. If there is no one God, then the absolute law of morality that you are arguing came from God depends on whose god are we talking about. Therefore, the global society does not hold in itself the universal concept of good and evil because the global society is divided among Catholics, Moslems, Buddhists, Hinduists, etcetera etcetera etcetera.

Case four: you said that “Death penalty is a man-made law and for me it goes against morality for they are making themselves like gods. They don’t have any right to take any one’s life (however heavy the case that is against a man) since they are not the ones who created life itself. There are other forms of punishment that can teach humans to abide the laws and certainly death penalty is just too much a punishment for a human being. Only God can take a life without committing a sin”

What is your point in this? I do not see any parallelism between this argument and the matter at hand. I am sorry to say my friend, but this is way too verbose.

Ok I see a small connection. You said that “Death penalty is a man-made law and for me it goes against morality for they are making themselves like gods”

Nothing must have come from nothing. So where do you think man-made laws come from? Certainly not from my armpits.hehe just kidding. So where? Mad-made laws came from natural laws. Now where did natural laws came from? Morality. Now where does morality came from? God (according to you). Now who is this God? Why do some catholic countries don’t have death penalties? Because their God said that killing is bad. Now why do Arab nations have death penalties? Because Allah is not God that Catholics knows, who gave the Ten Commandments. Now, this is a product of relative morality. If there is a universal morality, then why there is no universal man-made law? Sure, man made laws came from morality, otherwise, man made laws would not have precedents, thus making it unenforceable among the people.

And according to you: “law of God is the basis of some of the laws that we have now, it is the starting point” law of God is the basis of man-made laws indeed. And law of God is the concept of universal morality that you are talking about. You see? How come the laws of man, which came from the law of God become so diversified if there a universal concept of good and evil? Still with me?

Moving further on your argumentation.

Case five: you asked “A was killed in a far away village where “killing is a way of life”. But A is not a part of that village; he was just this lost man from a city. Now, is that fair? How then can you reconcile the beliefs of a village from that of the city? Thus, there must be a law that is universal to man, and that is the Law of God.”

I will answer this. Of course it would be too unfair for A. imagine yourself being the silly person to have forgotten that left turn is not right turn. And the price of it is your life. Gee. That’s unfair indeed.

Now let me ask you how do you think the village’s belief that killing is a way of life deviated from the city’s belief that killing is barbaric if you think that universal morality exists already?

Judging from your arguments greensophia, you recognize that there isn’t any concept of universal morality. That is why you are advocating for it, and I quote: “How then can you reconcile the beliefs of a village from that of the city? Thus, there must be a law that is universal to man, and that is the Law of God;” “I do not deny the influence of one’s environment and culture on one’s thinking but surely there must be a limit to it.”

no “there must be” will come from “there is.” You see, mores, norms, taboos, man-made laws come from one source – morality. Everything is interconnected as:

Supreme being (to generalize people’s different gods)gmoralityg(influenced by) environment, norms, and culturegdeciphered by humans ginterpreted by conscience gman-made laws, ways of life, beliefs, dogmas, etcetera etcetera etcetra

The mere fact that the village people (according to your question) can kill A because that is their way of life signifies that there is no concept of good and evil regarding killing and keeping someone’s life. To the village people it is good, to A it is bad. The varying beliefs conclude that theirs are incompatible concepts of morality.

I will wait for rebuttal.hehehe have a nice day

Where the corner of my mind was

(This is a sequel to the piece I have written for Spires 45 "in the corner of my mind)

Hi, how are you? Still doing fine in your new found school? I wonder how you are taking the adjustments with your new environment. I have heard that you’re taking it like hell. Teka, was that the one you always wanted huh? Be in the all elite school. You should be happy!

So, kumusta na kayo ng boyfriend mo? Still going strong and steady? I guess you’re really trying to prove me that I was wrong when that I told you that: “and manok na nakatali, madaling mahuli.”

Remember the last time we saw each other? I was sitting at the bench at our school, trying to take a break from everything that sucked that moment. Everything was going well though I was being swarmed by sadness. Until you came from behind and sat beside me. Gees, you should have felt the way my mood changed that day. It was a mix emotion. There you were, my love of my life, sitting beside me, smiling. Uuuhhmmmm, leme guess, you were smiling because your boyfriend dropped you at school that day? Or maybe, you were smiling and happy to have seen me – your boy toy. Aaarrrrgggggghhhh.

But you know what, after we parted that day, after you have ran back to were I was sitting just to say the you were missing me a lot, I cried. Much of the anger that I was keeping was overwhelmed by the pain you have caused me. I did not know what to do that day. I wanted to go after you and stop you from leaving for I knew that that was the last, but I could not. I do not want to go after you again while you go after him. I do not want to look at my back again and see that no one is going after me. So I sat there, I watched you go off my sight until even my peripheral vision could no longer catch a glimpse of you. I knew that was the last. Painful? yes. My eyes were blurred by my tears you know.

I said to myself that that was the last time I’m gonna cry over a loved that was unrequited. That was the last time that I’m gonna feel sorry for myself that I have never seen that you were only playing around while you and your boyfriend have a big fight. I used to think that I have moved on only in the corner of my mind. Yes, that was true.

But such is not the case already. In fact I am happy that you have not loved me at all. I am happy that the moments we have spent together were meant to take the hassles of your big fight with your boyfriend off you.

I am happy now! I have met the girl you said that I would soon meet. I have met the girl that you said is worthy of me. I have met the girl that you said I would love more than the way I loved you. You were right, such girl exists, and her name is Daiisy.

Yes, I have done a lot of stupid things for you. I have jeopardized my accounting education for you. I took every bit of humiliation from my friends for you. But you were really never worthy of it all. And now I find myself so damn inlove over someone I have met months after I have said to myself that I am letting go of you. Thank God I did! Had I burdened myself by sulking over something and someone which was never mine, I could have failed to notice that the woman I want to spend most of my time with was already sitting meters from where I was drinking a glass of rum.

I love her more than I have loved you. I wanted her more than I have wanted you, and I envision a life with her in four years. Something that I failed to see from you. And I am writing this to let you know you were correct when you said that someday I will love someone so much that I genuinely would not want to let go anymore. That somebody has come.

stalker

By: JC (as published in Spires 45)

Dearest Meisha,

This is just a waste of ink and paper. You would not be able to answer this anyway. But I still decided to use this sheet up so I could express the thoughts I have buried at the deepest corner of my mind. It just came to me that sitting here at the rooftop of our condominium building is the best place to write this note. I feel so near you. Though I was just a few doors away, it seems that you did not know I stayed in the same building.

I watched you walk down the hall everyday. Damn you look good! I just could not understand how your simplicity becomes an image of grandeur whenever my eyes watch a glimpse of you. I always followed you from your unit till you cross to the driveway where you boyfriend always waits for you. Damn I wish it was me who pick you up there everyday. But how could that be?

I skip classes once in a while just to see you rehearse with your band. Damn you sing great! I just could not understand how that voice of yours could reverberate from that microphone all the way to my heart and continue on singing till I fall asleep at night. I always sat at the rear of the auditorium. Maybe you saw me, but I guess you did not.

I fell in line close to you at the cafeteria for lunch almost every day. I even pick the table nearest to you so I could see you laugh with your friends as you sip your mango shake. That was your favorite. I just could not understand how your laughs could bring so much grace that I could not help but order whatever dish you order so I could find out how the food you eat could bring you that damn pretty smile of yours. Too bad for me I did not find out what it is, I just got allergic to the tempura you ate the other day.

I bumped into you a number of times. You looked at me and apologized even if it was obvious that the fault was mine. I loved it whenever you say sorry while you flip your hair. But your stare was empty, and it seems that your eyes just go through mine without you even recognizing that it was me who kept on bumping into you once in a while. I just could not understand how despite those empty stares; you still manage to captivate me. Maybe I’d just keep on bumping you so you’d see that it has always been me. But maybe you still won’t.

I always wanted to catch your attention. I was thinking that maybe, if I could just make you look at me, you would see how much I wanted to spend time with you. You could see how much you could have enjoyed me walking you home, or me watching you sing with you band, or I laughing with you while you sip your mango shake. I just could not understand how you could not notice me even if I just lurked in the dark shadows behind you. Maybe it is just because I did not do anything worth your interest yet. Maybe I ought to do something worth the 11 o’clock new tonight. Maybe.

It just feels good writing this to you. I have always wanted to secretly drop a letter on your bag whenever we bump into each other, or slip in my note down your doorstep whenever I pass by your unit – but I did not take the risk. But now I’m writing this letter so you could understand how much I wanted you to really see me. There would be no risk anymore, and I'm pretty sure that with what I would do, you would recognize me this time.

Anyway, it’s already 10 o’clock. The traffic down the avenue in front of our building is starting to be lighter now. It’s good I won’t be bothering much people. But I’m pretty sure you’d be running outside once you see our building on national TV at 11. By that time I’m pretty sure you’d recognize me as the guy who bumped into you a couple of times before. Only this time, it would be just you who would see me. And I’m sure you’d see me.

To always haunt you,
Cyril

true stories

Two sons and a father

He is a father not wanting anything other than a good life for his two sons. He is a father, not needing other than the love of his two sons. He is a father and he lives for no one other than his two sons. He is a father and he is good.

He is a seaman and he does not date anyone other than his wife. He is a seaman and he goes down on red lights district thinking about only his wife. He is seaman and he provides for no one other than the family he built together with his wife. He is a seaman, and he is good.

But no matter how much he aspire for the ideal; no matter how much he aspire for what is good, things will never enough. His two sons have grown shy on him. They have never been with him that long and they have grown independent from him. They have not seen him for quite a while to the point that they have grown too shy to show him their love. They do, they just do not know how.

Now they have grown, their need of a father transcends the material goods and financial support that he provides. Did he fail to give them that? No he did not, bu t I do not think that he thinks the same.

Will he stand up just the way each time he stumbles out of his left leg’s growing weakness? Only he could say. And I hope he would.

Broken pieces

She gave him everything other than her body. She gave him love, she gave him security, and she gave him happiness. Yet all he gave back were tears, lots of them.

She had grown accustomed of having him by her side. She had loved him too much that she could no longer let go of the feeling, she could not help not to long for him. Often she would cry out of feeling so helpless that she wants to be strong again, but the dejection is too strong that she could not shake the pain off.

She now stares at herself in the mirror and does not like what she sees. Her face had grown so down and lackluster, as if it is trying to curse her out of loving him too much and loving herself too less.

Maybe in time she will embrace herself in front of the mirror and she would realize how long her hairs have grown unkempt, how long her face has been unmade, how much tears her eyes have shed and how much pain she had tried to endure. And maybe in time he would finally stand up, comb her hair like she used to, she will put on her mascara and moisturize her lips with her balm. Maybe in time she would stand up, pick up the books that she scattered, pick up her life that he broke, genuinely smile and continue walking.

She would stand up again. But only she can say so.

Rain on his parade

He is bound for greatness, he thinks so. He breathes it, he eats for breakfast.

Life is a vicious entanglement of cause and effect. Tomorrow becomes today’s playground. Tomorrow becomes today’s certainty. It is not something uncertain but rather something that will happen because today was lived to fit tomorrow.

He is bound for greatness, but it seems as if greatness is not bound for him. He had grown to want success, but success did not grow to want him. He once aspired a life of achievements and accolades, but achievement and accolades aspired for somebody else, not him.

He lost. He had come close to retiring out of exhaustion. Exhaustion of thinking that he will never be good enough for everybody, exhaustion that his strength is not strong enough to tide him off the pain of failure and dejection.

But he will get up again. Yesterday he dreamt, today he wakes up, tomorrow he will live to reach it. Is he going to? Only he could say.
- -
once, they happy few, now, they, the lost Jews. The tranquility of security they once had, had turned into a war between right and wrong, strength and weakness, what must and what must not.

They will stand up and there is no better time for them to do it but now.

ok ok ok, so what is this crap doing in this blog? i don't also know why? i just found it in my computer and uploaded it here. maybe later i will have an intospection as to why it struck me when i saw it again. nah! no time for emo stuff

i have been in to photography for quite some time now. it took me many years to realize that i have passion for this craft. ang sarap magkuha na litrato at makita ang end prouct. i am not yet good, but im learning. here are some of my shots.

first picture taken since getting hooked in this photography thing.












This is at Baguio. my mom scolded me that i consumed two rolls of film over "non-sense" shots. sigh, it takes a lot of effort to understand an artist. (yes feeling)








Digital shot of a car passing by the shuttle im riding at. this best epitomizes the saying "naka-chamba."









The paper's office when everybody's gone. creepy? yes, the office is really creepy. charge that to the editor hanging himself on the office's stockroom few years ago.

Chamba parin? i don't know. basta im glad i made this shot. this is a picture of three cars and a truck passing by.

no, she is not my daughter, Daisy would kill me if she is. this is my favorite cousin.

october sun

It was early morning of Sunday; we were off down south, tired with all the hassles of first semester academic requirements and equally tired after releasing five issues of the school paper. In tow were ourselves and eager spirits to finally take a breather from all of it before the second semester starts, my last semester in the undergrad and the last half of volume 63.

Oct. 23, 2006, Sunday

The plan was to meet at exactly 4:30 AM at the JAM Liner terminal at Kamuning and head straight to Batangas Pier where our ferry was waiting to take us to our island getaway. We were 16 in the trip composed of seven editors, four managers, four staffers and one ex-officio member due to his romantic affiliation with our managing editor.

The call time was too early for everyone that waking up early became questionable, so everybody slept over at Joana’s place (I wonder if they really slept) on the eve of our departure to avoid the hassles of waiting for everybody.

I was at Nueva Ecija last Saturday and was not able to pack my bags until late Saturday night, so I passed on the sleep over thing and planned not to sleep instead and wait for morning to break. Unfortunately, it was approximately 1:30 of Sunday morning, while I was watching ESPN when I succumbed to my forty winks. It was already 4:30 in the morning and everybody were already in the terminal when I woke up out of Mia’s text, asking me I where I am. Amazingly enough, I managed to take a quick bath, gear up and travel from my place in Novaliches to Kamuning for only forty minutes.

As soon as we arrived at Thaliana, Puerto Galera and settled down to our respective rooms, some of us immediately took a dip in Galera’s pristine water, while me and Chip took a walk at the boulders situated in the end corner of the beach. Lunch time has not arrived yet, but I could already see that everyone was already turning tan.

I am a regular visitor at Puerto Galera. I find the place, especially the place I always stay at, very tranquil. I go to Puerto every time I feel that I am tired from the hassles of the metropolis and every time I feel fucked up down on my ass by this oxymoronically tough life. In the longest time that I have been a regular visitor of Puerto Galera, I have yet to try riding the Banana boat because, often times, I go to Puerto alone. So when I got the chance to finally tag my friends along, I grabbed the chance to ride it, and boy was it fun! The boat tipped over twice, but I fell from the boat thrice. The boat tipped over because the speed boat operator drove us on a sharp curve. And I fell from the boat alone out of trying to tip the boat over. The plan backfired and I paid the price of humiliation. Hehe but it was so good.

We played Beach volley and my team won twice. Haha, talk about athleticism. I thought I already have none in my system since I have gone from being a 130 pounder to 160 pounder.

In the evening, everyone was shocked with the dinner Ate Annabel and his Italian husband prepared for us: 816 inch pan pizzas and 5 gigantic bowls of pasta. I bargained for a vacation and I got a total wrecked diet in return. Bedans have always been hard eaters. Bedans will eat anything delectable and Bedans eat a lot. But not that night, we were not successful in consuming everything and left two bowls of pasta left almost untouched. After dinner everybody did their own thing, while Jio, Chip, Tim and I played two-card poker until the wee hours of the morning. We were so accustomed to staying up late putting up together pieces or articles to for a darn school paper that we never cared if it was already one in the morning and we were still up trying to milk each other out.

At one in the morning, one hundred bucks disappears, and at three in the morning, arithmetic disappears.

Jio: Pare, 64 minus 12?
Chip: 52
Jio: eh 13 minus 1?

October 24, 2006, monday

The thing that I love with Puerto is that white sands and clear water will wake me up from my slumber.

After breakfast, we immediately hired a guide to take us up the tamaraw falls, which is a 30 minute hike from our place. I have not gone to Puerto for two years already and I have forgotten the trail and I have forgotten how steep it was. I am a free spirited person so I found no problem in traversing the trail of boulders. But not everyone is like me. Mia and Nice slipped down on their buttocks twice, while Tim got his slippers broken.

The water was too cool and the rush was too much. The last time I went there I promised myself that I will climb the top of the falls and that is what I did. My curiosity of finding out what is on top of the falls drove me to climb the big rocks leading to its peak and I was correct, it was better than what I expected it was. It was already lunch time when we got back from the falls and I planned to take everyone at Long Beach to snorkel after pigging out.

I am fond on having aquariums in our place. Before I ran out of time to take care of my fishes, have had a number of 50 galloon aquariums and had a lot of fishes ranging from Arowanas, Oscars, Malaysian fins and Hammerheads. Fishes take my stress away and it is quite amazing to see a three feet arowana scramble every time I feed it with live rats, not the house rat that we all are scared of. That is why I am so fond on swimming with fishes. The feeling was incomparable with anything in this filthy world.

So there we were, swimming in awe how schools of fish swim pass us and how they scramble on the pieces of bread that we feed them. It is a good thing that I know how to swim that I was able to dive a bit deeper to touch the corals myself and to try to touch the angel fishes. You think it is boring? Hell no! And oh yeah, I saw a Barracuda swim pass me on my way to the shore. First it was a snake, and then it was a barracuda. What’s next, a stingray? Way too cool!

The day ended with us shopping for pasalubong at the white beach, some 30 minutes from Talipanan. I had a henna tattoo of a Chinese character that means “orgasm” and a lot of them drool over the ladies donning two piece bikinis. No I did not drool with them, papatayin ako ng girlfriend ko.

October 25, 2006, tuesday

We did nothing on our last at Puerto other than taking a dip in the beach. We have burnt our skins so what is there to save. I have gone from fair skinned to chocobrown skinned so what is there to hesitate for?

We took off from Puerto at 3:30 in the afternoon and like what I have been doing everytime I head home to Manila, I promised to return. Maybe next time, Daisy will be with me already…

for hire

ok ok ok, so i am looking way too ahead of my future. but i cant help it. the fact that i dont have the enough money to get my eager beaver ass in law school and that my mom is not going to support me on this, i am so worried that the one thing that i have wanted so much since i dont know when would slip off me. this is getting too boring,. i have been writing about lawschool stuffs in this darn page. nah.. the hell...

ok so here are my plans.

1. raise the needed amount for a downpayment in san beda law.
2. on wednesday next week ill get my sorry soul in ateneo and get myself an application form. ill try to pass it and apply for the financial scholarship program.
3. work. most probably at an ngo so that ill have my time well within my disposal
4. contributing writer. the plan is to book myself into 7-10 contributing writer gig and earn somewhere between 1000-1500 per engagement. sounds neat? listen to this, an estimated 7000-15000 per month if evern id get this act done. as of press time i have got my resume and portfolio mailed at youngstar. i am targeting FHM or UNO mags. if ever someone here have come acrossed a lost soul searching for a writer do me a favor and tell that soul that i am for hire.

so here i am again, seated in this netopia shop and trying to keep the pressure off. yeah yeah yeah another boring crap out of rj's nonsense head.so what?

actually i have nothing to write about. infact i should have not stopped in this shop in the first place. im dead tired and and i am on my way home. except that i am a bit down with the test i just had this day.

san beda has always been a serene school, but this day is quite different. there were no college students in sight, except for myself and my fellow accounting students. what were we doing in that darn school and when almost everybody is their vacation? well nothing much, we were just gauging if in our four years stay in the program, five in my case, we have learned substantial amount of accounting whatnots for us to pass the next board exams.

i fared well. i guess. no, i hope. no, i plea...

brouhaha in accountancy

today until thursday i will take my PAPCE. this would be the last comprehensive exam that i will take before i take the board exams. and boy was the tax a disaster.

i have finished taking the subject a year ago and i refused to study comprehensively for it before the exams because i wanted to gauge how much i have learned and how much were retained in me. so now that the tax test is finally over there could only be two arguments with the result i am going to have:

1. i have forgotten almost all of the provisions of the national internal revenue code.
2. i have not learned the subject well.

it was like forgetting to multiply two by two! i was at the top of my tax subject when i was taking it. and now where do i stand? nevermind.

the results of the october cpa board exams was released this morning, and boy are we mourning. the result was horrendous and i have not felt this low before.

yeah yeah, i was not a part of the corps of examinees of san beda, but my classmates were. and when someone you know was so dedicated in the accounting education fails the board, a gleam of doubt hovers in your head. especially when you know that that flunker is better in accounting than you do.

and besides, those whom we expected to pass the boards did otherwise! worst, a lot was expected from our batch. we were tagged as the century's strongest batch. we were provided with great professors, all of whom are aacounting gurus and are cpa board reviewers, not to mention owners the review centers themselves.

so where in the hell did the examinees fail? oh gees, tell me im not gonna have the same fate...

Soul + mate = you?

I just finished watching serendipity by kate beckinsale and john cusack last night. It is a story about two souls “destined” to be together wandering in this eternal circle of existence. They bumped into each other and felt the connection but had to back off because “fate” told them to do so.

Fast forward seven years after, they were about to get married; him to his five year girlfriend and her to his workaholic musician fiancée. But they felt that there is a void within them that continuously hunts them in a bizarre series of questions: what if they have never backed off from each other when they met seven years ago? What if he should really not marry her girlfriend? What if her boyfriend’s lack of time on her is a sign that tells her that the one who is supposed to make her happy for the rest of her life was the one she met seven years ago; the one she let go out of the dictates of her so called destiny?

So they ventured into an array of searches that brought them to places in a mad search for the one they have thought they are destined to. One thing led to another until the seemingly unthinkable possibility had caught up on them into a culmination that celebrates the world’s oddest mystery – love.

I can always say that my relationship with Daisy has a close resemblance to what Jonathan and Sarah had in the movie.

RJ met Daisy in a room filled with empowered spirits and half sedated bodies. They are student journalists and they have entered into each other’s lives in a meeting that both of them thought was their last. They both backed off, maybe because time said so. For a while, RJ thought that he lost her without any possibility that he’ll meet her again in this big ball of filthy green.

He had seen her a couple of times, but never had to guts to approach her and seize the moment right there, when the one he is “destined” to be with was standing meters away from him. He lets go of the feeling and compensated himself with the idea that such feeling is ephemeral. Or so he thought it is.

Until the universe connived into a series of “fortunate accidents” that led them to where they both took off the first time they met – in the same room where she first flashed her smile on him. It felt like the connivance came in right in the time where he had ventured himself in a mad search of meaning of his incredibly circuitous existence.

But I do not. In fact, I do not believe in destiny. I do not believe that life is filled with fortunate accidents that would lead me to believe that something out there is strong enough to dictate me as to what food I am going to eat, what cloths I should wear, or what emotions I should feel?

Life is a tapestry of events that leads people into thinking that tomorrow is what people do today. Life is a series of embroidered events that gives me choices: choice to catch the bus or not; choice to drench in rain or take cover; choice to finally accept reality as it comes knocking or not.

Daisy and i never were led to believe that destiny has to do with our belief that we are to be together. I refuse to believe that destiny will bring me to the end of this ride with bachelorhood, where she is waiting for me to take her hand and lead her to neverland.

We were led to believe yet we ended up desiring instead; that at the end of this ride I will see her waiting for me, not because destiny wanted to, but rather, we wanted it more.

to be blue or not

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. seven months before june 2006. seven months before law school and i still am short of the required amount for my tuition. well i am just gunning for a down payment and hope that my mom's heart would be softened and help me.. errr, how could she if im not even asking?

taning, an alumni of The Bedan and a graduate of ateneo law and ateneo's bar bet, visited the office after his bar and told me that ateneo law is already giving out application forms for the school year 2006-2007 law freshies. dumbfounded of course, but i cant blame him.he does not know that i have problems in raising money for san beda law.

biases aside , i think ateneo is just second to san beda in law, but i cant deny that it is a good law school and that i have to admit that i have ateneo as my option, next to san beda. modesty aside, i think i can pass the darn qualifying exams of ateneo. there's a teeny wenie problem though. ateneo law costs 41 thousand! 14 thousand costlier than san beda! i cant even reach 12 thousand and i will aspire for a 40 thousand-law school.

well such is not impossible according to taning. ateneo has sholarship grants to deserving students. the problem is, i dont think im deserving enough. dont you all react and say that i am. i know what i am made of and i know that i am not. but he said that if i will never make it as an academic scholar, i could make it a financial scholar.

what's the difference? academic scholarship is given to super-human-space-cadets, while financial scholarship is given to those who can pass the minimum requirement and wears a fake chaps pants and shirt with an aligator instead of a crocodile.

ok ok ok, so he did ring my bell. but not that i cannot keep up with ateneo's requirements, the problem is i think i dont want to be an atenean still. i have despised ateneans in the past and i dont know if i still have to despise them. and yeah, i love being a bedan! it does not have the accolades and prestige as ateneans get, but i dont give a rats ass about it.

here i am, sinking myself in introspection as to whether i should gear up tomorrow and head to rockwell to get myself an aplication form for ateneo law school. what am gonna do about it? i honestly dont know.

missing buddha bar

one last test and im off to my sem break. hell yeah! puerto is one week away and boy oh boy, its october fest time. when i was in high school and early years in college i am a party animal. it is only when i realized that i have a mistake to have enrolled myself in a tough course that i slowly eased out of night life.

cant say that i dont miss the days when i go home half sedated and half wasted. cant say that i dont miss the thrill of it all. but i guess it will remain in the past as of the moment. hey i cannot down a screwdriver and recite an audit sampling formula in my head at the same time.


my friends have never changed, they are still at it. still seizing the night and loving the ride.hay, i guess i will have to pass this time. except for some occassional night outs though.

just when did i grow up to become this way? i cant remember

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of finals and feasibs

haha one first sem is history, i am on my way to my terminal sem in the CAS. cant wait to get to COL. err that’s college of arts and sciences and college of law, for those who wonder what the heck are those acronyms all about.

but everything should come easily. f*ucK! im having my finals week and i just caught a slight fever on my first day! talk about good timing. add to that the humungous amount of calculus calculations that i have to understand. too much that i forgot the law on integers the exact moment that i was taking the exam. negative less negative should be what? talk about plain stupidity when you least expected and wanted it.

and lo and behold, yesterday's exam was the hardest. no not because audit theory was excruciatingly tough, but because iv got 37 degrees of fever, mucous on my throat and goo racing out of my nostrils while taking the exam! yuck...

good thing my feasibility study evaded the dreaded "major revision" which my classmate's work's eventual fate. all i have to do is to balance the figures on my proposed business' projected financial status for the next 10 years. balancing it is no easy task but the idea of me an accounting student cannot balance the darn standing in two hours is tougher to swallow!

the proposed business is a service business. its a management consultancy services, the same thing which big time firms offer to their clients, except that my target market is the small and micro scale industries. help make the small ones make money. lots and lots of money.....

why cant people just sit back at their yard and plant camote for breakfast, malunggay for lunch and alugbati for dinner? simplicity will save us from the hassles of everyday living. bring back the stone age!

someone out there

i hope you do take care of one person you have been having since time immemorial. i do not want the two of you to be apart, i do not want her to lose you. if ever she does, i will not be held responsible for it, for i never wanted it.

c'mon, you're already making it hard for her and you have no idea how much it sucks already. do not subject her to this, do not be sellfish. stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about her. as someone had said, not everything is about you and everything is for you.

it is not fun anymore and there are times that she just surrenders to the pressures, to the sadness, to the hassle that you have been causing.

you should not hate me. you should not be jealous. for it is i who keep on telling her that all things will be very well between the two of you. it is i who say not to lose you. it is i who say that she'd fight for it and keep you. I am not asking for appreciation, or gratitude. just don’t hate me.

take care of her, she does not want to lose you as well....

ways to raise my tuition for my first semester in law school

1. wag kumain sa beda at ipunin ang pera
2. mang hold-up ng banko
3. mang snatch
4. magsanla... ah yung component sa kwarto ko at yung vcd player ko. tinatanggap pa ba ang walkaman?
5. magbenta ng laman...
6. magbugaw... ng langaw sa carinderia
7. bote jaryo
8. magmaka-awa sa magulang
9. wag nalang kaya mag-law?
10. mag-MA nalang muna para magka-pera tapos law school
11. call boy
12. magtrabaho
13. working student
14. trabaho sa congress. utusan ng mga pesteng congressman
15. manlimos
16. mangutang
17. magturo sa beda
18. magturo sa ja mes

Kopi nalang dear

It was 4 am, I was snuggling my pillow and salivating out of sleeping with my mouth wide open, as Cueshe began singing in my phone to wake me up in time for my early morning class. I don’t know, I am not a techy person and I do not know how many cellphones are capable of it, but I am amazed that my phone can have cueshe singing as my wake-up call, ignorant fool.

But like a disgraced audience, I shut cueshe off. Next thing I know I was already sleeping for an hour since they sang and I was already running late. My years in CAT paid off as I managed to take a bath, get dressed and have a light breakfast in a record of 30 minutes. It felt Flash resurrecting in me as I carried my feet towards the terminal. I rode a trike with great hope that somehow Id make it in time for my class, but when I got into the terminal, lo and behold, the queue of rushing people filled a fourth of the basketball court. Good heavens dropped on green earth.

Almost an hour, 37 minutes to be exact. That was the amount of time I waited in that long line for my fx to come. Errr it was not supposed to be called fx as a former friend had said. It should be called “shuttle.” Makes sense, I did not care that much, I was running late! Good lord walking on green earth!

By the time I got myself a “shuttle,” it was already 40 minutes before my class. Still, the ever never say die man that I am, I believed that I could. But not until I saw the traffic along edsa, which stretched from kamuning up to cubao.

Ah, talk about spirits.

So there, I decided not to attend the class since I was already 30 minutes late. I decided to go to my bank instead and deposit a measly amount of money. 700 are not that big, but that was the first time I would transact with my bank since the day I almost drained it. My first semester in beda law school would cost me 28000 pesos. I’ve got a thousand and three hundreds left in my bank account. So I thought that after my transaction I would only need 26000 thousand more. Gees, such a Herculean task.

So there I was, standing on the central terminal of the lrt 1, waiting for my train to come. Incase you are confused; the lrt 1 is the primordial train, the one who’s 2 and a half decade old. And imagine the hassles I had to undergo in that 20 minute train ride from sm manila to vito cruz. “Gee, you smell terrific,” great, so much of grooming up to look and smell presentable to the public.

When I alit the train a great idea came into me. Why no take a cab on my way back to beda and skip the rolling sauna that mixes the fragrance of my kenzo and someone else’s rl with the armpit juice of somebody. All I had to do was to remember that instead of depositing 700, Id deposit 600 and leave the hundred bucks for my cab fare. But when God almighty showered stupidity this morning I was wide awake and was catching my first class. I was overwhelmed by the idea that ill be saving for my law school that I deposited the entire 700! Great, all was left in me was enough to hail a “shuttle” on my way home and to salvage myself a decent meal when my stomach grumbles. Did I have any choice! None of course! I rode the darn train on my way back.

Talk about eating stress for breakfast. I’m not confident with my sentence construction. The hell with this day? Shimmering son of milfishes!