tripped

there you are, walking lazily on you way to work. you woke up this morning and you ate your sumptuous meal of sunny side up, bacon and a good cup of kapeng barako.

its another day in the office for you and you are specially happy since today is the fifteenth of the month and that would mean registers will be clicking today. to make the matters become so damn good, today if is the last day of the wee k and you will find yourself at the metrowalk again later in the evening.

as you are walking, a child approached you with his hands holding his stomach so tight that you can surmise that he is sufferign from hunger. but you never gave the child some. you subtly frowned at the sight that a dirty child approached you and touched your shirt, as if the child has an unbearable disease just because he ahse not taken his bath for quite soem time now. you slightly got out of his way as you amde face the moment you smelled that he is already stinking. you never gave some, even for two pieces of dime. you nonchalantly said:

"parte lang naman kayo ng mga sindikato eh."

and then you arrived at work and got your ass so damn tired that all you wanted is to unwind, drink beer and be merry.

you took off the exact moment the clock struck 5:00 PM. and like an agitated helluva party animal, you drank, you dipped and you dug then you dropped. life is merry drinking you bottle of mule. life can be exhilirating with your neon stick, your shades and your tablet of E.

tomorrow will be another day,and tomorrow night will ba a different one with different playmates and different trips. ah yes, you drownyourselfin a lifestyle so addicting, so salivating. and you cant let go. you dont want to let go......

night is over and you're alone. the effect of E has just got "better" for you and you feel light with every step you take towards home. satisfying? yes it was for you...

and then you tripped.a body lying, sleeping on the ground reminded you that you were not really flying. and as you picke yourself up to yell at the person lying you noticed that the person looks familiar and it locked its deep eyes on you. he has his hands holding his his tummy as he nebver took his eyes of you.

you never knew what to do. you wanted to keepon going and finally sleep. but the sight that beholds you held your feet on the ground you were standing at. the body aint moving anymore and the eyes never blinked at all.

he was the kid you refuse to give alms to a while ago.he's not moving and his deep eyes are locked on you, as if he was asking why never gave him alms.? why did you let him die in hunger.

yes, he is a member a syndicate... a syndicate of poverty

too close

workmate 1: pare you've got to try this man, its so damn good dude. the euphoria dude is way too incomparable. forget that damn bitch! i tell you, this thing right here will make you forget her. so what if she dumped you? she aint worth it man.

workmate 2: dude somehow i got to take the first step. i aint the better party on this anyway. i messed up and i cannot continue on keeping my ego checked at our expense. man one year is all we have and we will tie the knot. dyou get the gravity of the situation? i have spent five long years to be with her. i have fought for her. i have lived my life for i want for the two of us. man, we have plans, and we are so damn close.

...............

friend 1: that sucks girl. but do you still love him? do you still see yourself holding his hand, or you kissing him? are you still happy with him? what he did was so uncalled for, but at the end of the day, it is you who will decide should he ask for forgiveness. not the anger that you have for her, not the years that you have spent together. you alone... do you still love him?

friend 2: i do, and i will never discount the fact that i am going to take him back if he wants to. but i do not know, he is nowhere to be found. i guess i have shown him that i have closed my doors on him and that he is already moving on. i want to call him, i want to talk to him. i want take the first step. but he is nowhere to be found. and what if he doesnt want me back? what if he is already moving on?

friend 1: swallow your pride girl. go to their house. you aint gonna fix that thing with you sitting and sobbing here on your sofa.

friend 2: yeah, i guess that's what i am going to do. i am not to waste our five years together. i am not to going to give up my fiancé.

...............

workmate 2: pare i have to go home, baka she comes over and she wants to talk. i have left my phone at my pad and i have left the phone hanging this morning. i dont know dude, she was so hurt the last time we talked and it seems that there is no hope for this. all i want to do now is to head home, try to talk to her for the last time and move on. i guess this is the time where i have to move on. she aint coming back even if i ask her to.

workmate 1: o wait, are you just gonna leave us here? man hassle yan... sige ganito nalang, before you go, why dont to take a sniff for a while. sige na, for once lang and i will never make you do this again ever. take it this way, this coc is way to expensive and i am giving this for you to experience it, for free. just once and you're free to go.

workmate 2: ok, just to shut your loud mouth up, pour some on that lady's tits to add spice on my first try.

...............

friend 2: hello dad, im ok, went out for a while. listen, im gonna be late for home. im at his place. ill wait for him, i think he's out with some friends after work since his bag aint here yet. i think its time that i handle this thing in a matured way. dont cancel the wedding announcements as yet. i am going to fix this and we will get married next year. bye dad, i love you.

...............

workmate 2: damn that coc really has hit me hard. so what i am going to do now? im all alone and this freaking sedan in front of me is such a slowpoke, damn it. all i want to do is head home, take a very good shower, call her and end it nicely. its as if she'll come back if i ask her to anyway, so might as well finish it nicely and sleep. damn what have i done to her? i must have thought twice first before i did it. now she's gone, and this time , for good. this is too painful for me. i cant possibly wake up tomorrow with her off me... shit i cant take this any longer. i cant possibly get to the end of this flyover in one piece... i dont want to

she's in town, yeah right

i went around the place of lot this afternoon, and i saw their house brought into life once again. the house is once again irritatingly noisy and filled with people, some of whom perhaps are our friends who have missed her as badly as i do. for the first time in so many years, i have seen the place i frequented liven. i went around it for seven times but i never had the guts to pull over and knock.not at this situation.

sigh...

kung ok lang sana kami, masaya sana.

i want to tell her the stories i had in the years that we have never seen each other personally, how i almost had a libel case; how many girls i have met and caused me loads of problems without her to turn in to; how i have joined all these socio-political endeavors that i am in. the list goes endless that a day will never be enough.

and i want to introduce my girlfriend to her. i want to tell her our story; how we met; now she snubbed me the first time we met; how i courted her; how i finally met the family of my girlfriend; how i am introduced to them. i want to tell her how happy i am now, finally...

but i cant because we're not in talking terms...

masaya sana... sayang

a man

moving up
marriage is solemn in the eyes of the priest who locked me in this unbearable chain. love is supposed to be a two-way thing but i dont mind if in my case it is not. i love my wife and i will do just anything for her. she is the Shakespeare in my sonnet, the Norah on my piano, but she doesnt love me. for once i thought that marrying her out of the child i have inside her was a mistake. but it was not. i believed that somehow, she would love me back. i have contented myself with her shy smile. i am contented seeing her on our bed each night. i receive no love but i dont care because i love her. and i love the view from up here, the tranquility it brings, and the breeze that sings. this is life on this ledge. a euphoric serenity from the sight that beholds me. i love my wife on our bed with our neighbor's husband.
hello earth

on a flickering night
three years and four months, i should be happy that i am finally off her. i should be happy that i can now go out without thinking that she's at their home waiting for me to arrive. i wanted to marry her before, but the way she choked me, i now find myself not wanting to go back in the relationship. and i should be happy because this is the day i can smell my freedom very well.
i am happy and i am nauseated. i am happy and i am hyperventilating. i am hap......

on a wooden chair
how could this have happened? i have loved her so much, i have given everything that i could to win her. but i failed. i dont want to stalk her but the scent of her, the sight of her are very addicting. why she keeps on running away? how about the flowers i gave her? the spitz pups i gave her. how about the seemingly endless letters? the messages of hi's and goodnights? where have all those gone?
im not good enough... im not good enough... im not good enough...
i am not good enough, but all i see is she...
i am not good enough and all i see is this red gushing out of my wrist...
i love her....till all i see is black

ayun siya
nakatingin sa langit na walang ulap
naghihintay, nakatulala
pinig ang mata sa walang hanggang palayan
siya ang matagal nang hindi makita
ang matagal nang wala
siya ang wala sa gitna ng edsa
di mahanap sa mga gusali ng ayala
sasalubungin ko ng tuwang
natapos ang paghahanap
natagpuan ang saya
ang di makita, ang di madama
dito sa sulok ng mundo
naghihintay, nagaabang
di makita sa mundong kinamulatan
kaya di na muling maghihintay
di na muling maghahanap
natagpuan ko na siya

sleepless in san beda

i am half sedated out of drinking 3cups of coffee last night. we are again in the process of producing a darn school paper and as i sit in this uberly slow bedanet and type this i have got my eyes half wide shut. its that time of the month again where sleeping is not an option and where one hour in the bathroom isnt enought to clean yourself from the filth of overnight presswork.

dont get me wrong, i love what i am doing, but this is the part of it where i have to learn the meaning of hate.

indeed, it pays being a journalist, and it pays filthily. at one in morning humor disappears, at two in the morning grammar disappears, at three in the morning sensibility disappears and at four, motor skills disappear.

just wondering

i wonder, at this very moment:

what could marge be doing? how many pages does she have to read tonight? or what movie is she in to with ome?

where could jen be? how many pages of research does she have to finish tonight? how many street children does she have to teach how to read and write? or is she in calamba laguna eating tinola?

how much sulking ebot is doing? is he missing charisse? does he have the chance to fix his teeth? how many girls she's with but can't flirt with because of cha? how many business solutions thingy does he have to do?

where could lea be? is she still a certified tindera? may boyfriend na kaya? or better, may nagtagal na kayang manliligaw? did she stop wearing three-inch shoes to even come close in breaking the five feet barrier?

soccorro, ah, how many guys is she with? hhhhmmm? how many ads does she have to conceptualize? how many beers does she have to gulp? is she still having blast in single maryhood?

where could petty be? did she pass the board exams for PT? has she entered med school? how much weight does she still have to carry on her feet? boyfriends?

michelle? i wonder if she has rejoined the circulation of womanhood? i wonder what is she up to aside from saykan? did she develop her muscles way much better than mine?

i wonder if maryglo already has a suitor? is she still singing? and how did she develop that voice by the way?

mentum, i wonder if they are still on? if not, i wonder who among his colleagues is he sticking his eyes with? is his car still serviceable?

wait, i am running out of time.... i have to wonder some more by tomorrow...

nonsense? yes it is... i miss the innocent days

wala lang

teka uuwi na pala ako. minsan napakasarap ang isang tasa ng kape, isang pirasong one-day-old sa hepa lane, isang bote ng coke, kalahating pisngi ng mangga.

napakasarap ng tatlong oras na tulog, isang oras na tulog sa fx papasok, ilang minutong idlip sa opisina bago mag-aral.

napakasarap ng trenta minutos na naka-upo at tumatambay, sampung minutong tumayo sa grandstand at walang gagawin, ilang minutong pakikipag-halakhakan sa st maurs.

napakasarap oo, pero pagkatapos ng mga ito, pagka-ubos ng mangga ko, napaka-bigat sa loob na babalik ako sa library at butasin ang upuan ko.

umaangal ba ako? hindi, basta napaka-sarap lang...

mamaya sasakay na ako ng tren. napakasa-sarap ang umuwi ng gabi, ngayon pa at umuulan. bukas library nanaman pero mamaya, kama ko muna

days in a week

ah yes, i feel more confident now than ever. i have managed to establish a system to review for the boards.

unlike before where i study all the eight board subjects in a day, which i got myself a bit more confused than enlightened. now i study one subject per day, except for saturday:

monday: Audit Theory
tuesday: Audit Problems
wednesday: Advance Accounting
thursday: Theory of Accounts
friday: Financial Accounting
Saturday: Business Law and Law on Taxation
Sunday: Management Advisory Services

now where does my social life get in? - nowhere...

i have deferred my night-outs for at least a year
i have stopped reading books other than my board subject books
i have stopped watching movies, the last was hitch by the way
i have stopped involving myself in socio-political thingies, except for casual meetings and discussions, but nothing on the uberly serious side of things

i have sundays to be happy though, but that is only twice in a month because nueva ecija is still miles away from manila - that's the only social life i have aside from this 20 cent space...

lil prince talks

what is essential is invisible to the eye that only the heart can see - fox, the little prince

sometimes, we tend to complicate things in our life that we forget how to look back at the fundamentals; fundamentals that gave us our simplest form of satisfaction. and yes, what is essential invisible to the human eye that has been clouded by our non-contentment

less than a year

the board is only less than a year from now... will i be succesful and pass it? shit, i do hope so. i have been sinking my butt at my study table going over everything that i have learned in accounting just to pass that friggin exams.. . shit! i have had enough of presures in this entire lifetime of being a student..

way to go people of rizal

talk about handfull of shit...

gloria may have lost the moral ascnedancy to lead the people, but the people in the opposition are no where close to a moral high ground to replace her because they are equally power hungry geriatrics.

wait, i gotta puke....

i just saw the picture of some "nationalists" on my mind shouting for whatever love they have for the country, where in fact, they are the same people that drag this country to further damnation.

yes, gloria sucks! but she cannot be ousted thru a extra-constitutional way. why? because that was how erap was ousted and look at where we are now. the stigma of people power makes the people more cynical over what is just.

yuck!

the guts of calling themselves "nationalists"

there are proper procedures, and these were laid upon for people to abide by it. if the people cannot remove gloria thru a constitutianal way, then the people should accept the bitter pill of thier mistakes of electing her.. errr, puting her on power...

moreover, there is no such thing as "extra-constitutional. its either constitutional or unconsitutional... "nationalists" should quit hiding their perverted sense of empowerment behind the "extra-constitutional means of fighting gloria

bitin

parang yung dunk ni paterno nung opening ng ncaa game

parang yung pantalon ng tatay ko

yung pagkain na pinakain samin sa GA ng legma

yung pag jumejebs ka sa public CR tapos naudlot dahil may biglang nagbukas ng pinto ng cubicle mo

parang yung burgersteak meal sa jaby

parang pag umuutot ka nang matagal tapos pinigil mo dahil may dumaang magandang babae

nananaginip kang hinahalikan si sharapova nang ginising ka ng nanay mo

solo pizza sa greenwich

oras na kasama siya nung minsang pumunta siya dito sa manila nung huwebes

bitin

reactions

a democratic means, be it legal or extra-judicial is acceptable. however, if you'd try to analyze the pros and cons of legal means, mukhang dehado talaga tayo. we can go extra-judicial but still be democratic. gloria is facing more than legal consequences. she's also confronting moral accountability. di lang talaga dapat ay ang military junta.
___________________________
here goes another comment. thanks to anonymous btw, at least i get to flex my dull mind. here's what i have to say...

yes, i agree with you that she already lost her moral ascendancy. now that she admitted that she really talked to garcillano during the elections, more so that we should examine what the conversation really all about. i think there is more in her purported "desire to guard her votes." that meets the eye.

delicadeza will dictate her to voluntarily resign.. but i doubt it if she would...

yes, we should remain vigilant over the matter. but i think, we should draw the line. we have laws and proper procedures. these are not enacted to decorate our claim for independence and sovereignty. if we cant toe the line, then why are these in placed in the first place?

dehado talaga, either way we,the people lose. she may stay and further fuck us in our asses and she may go to have anew people, this time from the opposition, to fuck us in our asses as well. and i doubt it if the veep is prepared to assume the helm if ever.

i prefer exhaust all judicial efforts to get rid of her. she can be impeached or her victory can be declared null and void. i think, i cant see another philippines under the rule of a lesser evil that is installed by a mob rule.

i think i am not making sense. i will expound in this, i still have auditing to study...

jaded no more

changed my blog's title....

i am jaded no more. life sucks and shit happens, but hell, i have a very good life...

ive got air in my lungs and blood in my veins. what else is there to look for?.. i think none.. and yes, i dont have much but ive got what i want.. and i am getting there. lost some, found some... there's no letting go this time..

nada

the lil prince experience

daisy gave me a book of the little prince a week ago. i was about to tell her that i am going to read the book after the boards since the exams is less than a year from now. but she shut me early and said that it was not that long so i could read it. she was about to give me a copy of june ish of fhm since i am a collector, but she opted for the lil prince instead.

spent three hours finishing that book. read it on the bus on my way home from nueva ecija and spent an hour at cibo to finish it.

it was not that bad after all.. in fact, it was so good. now i know why the author said that kids should recommend the book to a grown up. siguro after i finish my code of ethics handbook i will share some of the reflections i had out of reading that book.

you should read it.. and see whose fox are you...

i am daisy's....