and the book goes on...

Mama approached me last night and told me to straighten up for my last year in college. She asked for the nth time if I am going to push thru with my plan of entering law school after college. I know she’s feeling mixed emotions. I know somehow she’s wishing that things are not as they are today. But I know too well that she is proud that I am the next school paper’s top honcho.

There’s no sense in blaming myself for things that happened in my life caused by circumstances, which I clearly don’t have control of. Indeed the more I sulk and the more I blame myself for what happened the more I spoil myself and the more I get myself nowhere.

Sometimes I get a lil paranoid that I over-think what others are thinking about me; I shouldn’t be assuming that I am that an impact to them in the first place. Hhhmm what have I done to myself? am I making sense? Wait let me gather myself……

And I’m back… mama’s going back to London to work for another 5 years for my law school. As much as I don’t want to ask for her support after college, I have to come into terms with the reality that I am a big 22 year old diploma less bum, and that I will be needing her help someday.

This is the time that I have to swallow my pride and humble myself. This the time to admit the fact that no matter how many things I know that others don’t, I still am not good enough. And that shouldn’t frustrate me.

And this is the end of my sulking for not graduating in time. This is the end of my seemingly endless drama about life and the “unfair” I got from it… In every book a chapter has to end. This is the end of my dark one..

Welcome me back to the circulation…