who needs unity?

just finished watching Higher Learning. initially i thought it was another chick flick of the early nineties but as the story went on, i was proven to have misjudged it too early.

it was a story of three freshmen at Columbus University, two are white american the other is black. one of them is rape victim-turned peace activist, the other is a psychopath who had found himself in a group of young nazi wannabes who are dead blank racists and anti-fags, while the black american is rookie superstar in his collegiate team who struggles to balance his time between running and studying. it started how they all started learning a different of spin of this planet. first it was showed that they are all just bunch of beavers from high school who thinks they know much about what they hold dear, but turn out to be anxious young individuals who know nothing but party booze and women. the story progressed from a chick-flick blunder to a more serious movie subtly fighting racism.

it ended in a blood bath when the psychopath started shooting in the peace fest organized by one of the white american, which caused the death of the girl of the black american (which happened to be young tyra banks, before she had glammed herself on the runway). of course psychopath, played by young michael rapaport, and the black american, emeka epps, had each other busted to the ground. but what was mesmerizing in the story was when the campus security arrived and mauled the black american instead with a great deal of prejudice out of the color of his skin.

it reflected how we people could become so closed with each other's differences to the point that we create a reality of supremacy in our spheres. the movie had its message clearly delivered: no two men are going to be alike and it is a fact that will remain outside the bounds of argumentation.

who needs unity if its meaning is devoid of proper definition? or should i say, who needs unity when it can only exist in our postmodern psyche?

in this country alone, who needs ceasefire when waging war is matter of life? who needs equality when divergence and classifications are matters of privilege?

difference; variations; disparity, its a fact of life. who needs unity? no one can claim it, not even this society. so what to do then with the matters concerning inequality? the answer is simple. celebrate diversity...

laway sa pisngi

ah this is life. i stayed up late last night surfing channels and was able to catch noel at star movies, lituania vs. italy game, the sweetest thing (which i honestly gave up on 10 minutes after it started. i just like to see cameron, but not in an idiotic teen flick like that.), numbers, and a couple of mtv's.

i just woke up some few minutes ago and i immediately struggled to get some more. for the first time in two weeks, i again felt how it feels like waking an hour or two before lunch time. as i stood up, first thing i did was to plug on this computer and surf. later i will call daisy and then at six tonight i will watch as michael schumacher inch closer at fernando alonzo in their brewing duel for the championship in formula one.

but after that, i will again get hold of my book in persons and family relations and read articles 105 to 132 of the family code since tomorrow will be another day quite different from today. it is that short to call a life, but i will take it anyway. entering law school has taught me cherish every lil thing i could offer my life with, including the dried saliva i still have on my cheeck from sleeping too well last night.

huh!

this is life. later tonight it'll end once more for another 6 days but still, ill take it anyway, thank you...... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

i used to believe that those lil prones in us men are really birds until i began to ask my mom why, in my nine years in this world, mine had not flown yet?

i used to believe that God is in heaven and the devil is under the earth.

i used to believe that santa exists. i even placed a wish list in our front door together with my overused and humongous, for larger toy-space, school sock. which, unfortunately, only to find out that my yaya threw the list and the sock away.

oooopppssss, ran out of time. to be continued

just this morning i woke up to realize that tomorrow will be my first major exam in law school.. holy virgin from ermita!!!

just this morning, daisy and i were eating at jollibee in the intersection of EDSA and Aurora Blvd. when suddenly i saw a crew threw out a street kid out of the store. initially, i felt for the kid because all that he wanted was to buy a burger. but daisy told me that the burger was given to him by the crew behind the counter and that he cursed the crew who threw him out for not giving for doing so and for not giving him a glass of drink as well.

i really want to feel for the kid but daisy made a good sense when she said that the kid's mind is corrupted and that he didnt even exhibit an ounce of gratefulness for the free burger and yet he still had the face to curse the crew.

up to this moment i am asking myself who to blame for the actions of the kid? sure, poverty is not an excuse at all to become blunt and ungrateful, but it can never be expected to teach people manners as well.

yes, daisy was correct for thinking that the boy's actions were totally uncalled for, but i guess i have to take it in a different perspective.

i pity these people because they are expected to behave well in this society yet they cannot find such virtue anywhere therein. you cannot teach a man to become decent when all that he sees around him is indecency and injustice. somehow i want to blame the system for it, but in a deeper perspective, what can the system do if these people themselves are not open to reforms?

i can recall what my professor in contemporary history had said regarding post-modern concept of social justice: the more the poor sees how much the rich can afford luxuries in this country, the more they become detached in this society and the more they tend to revolt for their turn to taste greatness.

sigh. what is 100 pesos worth of food and drink compared to billions of pesos jollibee earns every year? makes me wonder how can the rich, in general, live in their house extravagantly knowing that there are people outside begging for a lil compassion.

in our constitution, it was impressed therein that the poor who has less in life should have more in law, and that the country should run towards bridging the gap between those who are filled and those who are starving. yet, we people still dont understand it, even i dont.

i think the actions of the crew was totally uncalled for, but like i said, i am in a dilemma because daisy said it perfectly that poverty does not give man the license to ingratiate his fellowmen.

life as i knew it

the last time i was commented on for being too serious is when i dated this girl i met in baguio, particularly in gerry's where my frineds and i ate at (don't worry honey, it was way tooooo long ago). that was few months before the national elections, while i was still too pre-occupied with all "nationalistic" stuffs we had to do for our party. maybe back then i made it as an excuse. it that tenable because, really, when you engage yourself in nation building, much of your excitement will be eaten by either this country's deep shit, or your own inability to swim past it.

now i no longer am that active with such endeavors, and yet i was again commented for being too serious! mother ignacia! where is the me in the nutshell?!

i guess it was a timely shot of reality for me.

when i was a lil younger than i am to today and many lesser pounds back, i was "cool".

when i was a kid i am one of those people call "rollerboys", until i learned to dread it the moment rollerblades became too popular. anyway, i was so good at it. i used to jump at two feet stools my friends and i installed in the middle of the road, which , as expected, caused us some rat's mouth from motorists. i used to skate in the reverse, and i tried using a platform for added adrenaline. but everything ended the moment some horny peter snatched my rollerblades from our backyard to sniff the smell of world domination from the sweat of my feet.

i used to swim a lot, i used trek mountains, i used to travel, and in most cases, i used to lose my my way on purpose for the thrill of searching for it again. i used to be a nuctornal person. i used to hang out at joints in tomas morato and jupiter street (eastwood was not that developed then. you can now start counting for my age. kung marunong kang magbilang)

when i started writing this article, i wanted to ask myself where did that excitement go? i am now the living manifestation of boredom. but as i was beginning to end this, i realized that life in itself is a never ending stage of learning, unlearning, and relearning.

i am no longer at the edge. i have stepped few steps backward, sat with my compadres with a shotglass of tequila on the left and a bottle of redhorse on the right, and am continuously laughing with all the people who are and have gone to the edge and jumped. hehe suckers, they will also do the same thing i do now. when that time comes, i am already farther from the edge as i am now.

now that's about it. that was the end of the life as i knew. i am now learning a new one.
_______________________________________
marge: thank you for the comment, i wrote something sensible out of it. i guess.. heheheheheh carpe diem

it is frustrating. its either i am faced with the reality that i really do not know h0ow to write or the reality that i no longer know how to write. which is which? either, or, i would not like the implication.

somehow i am missing the kind of style that i used to have when i was still sriting for the papers, but at the back oof my mind, i need a change. i am caught with two choices that infringe my capacity to rationaly pick whichever plays for me better.

i feel like a solitary bore with my old style, it (my old style) was so passe. however, i cannot seem to get the grasp of a new one. i am stuck in the middle of things right now. i am short of the "development stage" in my writing and i am too far to use the old one.

from you death comes my own doubt

how dare me to have almost forgotten RSR's death anniversary. good thing it had dawned on me last aug 5 that that was the day a year after hope almost died.

my father and i dont agree much on everything about politics, the society, and life. somehow i see it in a more positive outlook and he takes the other side. but i think no matter how much unidealistic his views are and how cynical his political stands are, somehow i think i have to concurr with one of his principle, that man cannot live in a nationalist country with a hungry stomach.

a year ago i wrote a eulogy for Roco in our school paper. i could still remember his teaching that i quoted "ang apoy ng kandila ay hindi maaaring mawala. magsindi ka ng isa at i-alok ang apoy nito sa kapwa". yes i could still remember how i wrote that eulogy and i convicted i was with carrying on with the struggle to get our message across - may pag-asa.

a friend has aptly written in her blog (read alwaysanxious.blogspot.com) that all of us who were touched by RSR have one belief in common - may pag-asa.

one year after that conviction i now have to ask myself time and again if i am still willing to go at it again and again and again till i am contented that somehow a part of what we envisioned for has come true. my father was correct, when you are young you tend to become so idealistic that you start to forget that the picture you have is far more dull than the reality. but when you start to get older you start to think about yourself; how much of your idealism can you swallow for the things you start to get anxious for.

things have changed and i realized that my priorities had as well. i know it is a great betrayal of the ideals that we had fought for, but i cannot go on denying that i am starting to think about myself first. it is such a shame that not long had passed since RSR died and yet i am already starting to lose the fire.
_________________________
erratum: if you happen to get confused with everything that i have written, then i am sorry. i have no time to edit my articles.

for you maam

i am 23 years old. able to read, write, and vandalize. in the family code, i could already marry without the exigency of procuring the consent of my parents, guardian, or any person who has legal authoruty over me (ART 2). in the civil code, i already have the legal capacity to encumber, alienate and enter into contracts.

i am 23 years old. not this is not about my rants on having "quarter life crisis" but rather an appeal to pity to those who do not look at me as such.

i am already 23 years old. able to read and write because you taught me how; able to start a family because you showed me the ideal set-up of one, but would not delve into one for the mean time because i know i could not raise one. i know about this because i am already 23 years old. i have started acting as an adult years ago, i guess its about time you treat me as one.

please let me have my own life. i am grateful for every ounce of affection and importance, but that does not mean i do not yearn to learn more from my own mistakes, see why things are forbiden as they are and learn why they say you could come at your own risk.

i have been encountering life day in day out. please let me enjoy it more. let me see how it feels to be in control of my own life, to say the things i want to say and not be admonished for it.

i have grown, and somehow we all must realize that. in as much as i respect you for being the sole reason of everything in me, please do respect my own desire to at least get a taste of how is it to be in own age.

you see i am no longer making any sense. and instead of studying for the next day's round of recitation, here i am writing this. i know this is the only way i could get my feelings acrossed. maybe not to you though, but at least the whole world is reading. i wish i could make you know that this is how grave i see myself, inutile.

you see i respect you, that is why i am writing this instead rather than letting you know my appeal. please let me taste a lil of life

tuloy ba ang laban?

i have been reading the dailies in when i wake up a six-year daily habit, and ever since i learned to appreciate reading the broadsheet never was i shocked by a news headline the way i was shocked this morning by a news item: Widow of Roco to eye for Senate Seat in 07.

earth to rj, come in rj.

you can bet i had butterflies and dragonflies in my stomach upon reading the headline. i made sure that i was not dreaming and that the news headline i was reading was not too good to be true. indeed it was not. she is really seeking for a senate seat. thank God man created the belief of divine intervention! but as senses regained its hold on my psyche that came in late from its sojourn with alice in her land, i have come to realize that i have to have reservations on her plan to run for senate.

dont get me wrong, i believe in maam sonia. if there is one person who could emulate the reasons and wisdom of RSR i guess that would be SMR. i know she is equally able and sincere in serving the public as RSR. i am just concerned on how the doomsayers would react on her candidacy. i have always admired SMR for her privacy. it seems like when i look at her every time she passes by in our cramped up office i am looking at a person so deep and private. somehow i do not want that to be ruined. it is a dog eat dog in Philippine politics, i think i cannot afford to see her in front of my boobtube clearing her name of the baseless accusations her rivals will throw at her. but i know her candidacy will be a living manifestation that hope resides among those who believe and it comes from those who are sincere.

4.11

first of, i am not an economist, neither am i a political analyst, nor a journalist. but hell, i am a pissed bum out of the 2006 state of non-"glorifiable" administration...

second, i am a bum and a student still and if the vat i am paying everyday is that significant, then i guess i have, what we in law school call, locus standi or legal standing to fart this out. this will be short, i promise you the moon for that...

never ever try to take a time out from what you are doing and watch a SONA if you want to literally take a rest. at least not in the next three years prior to the next presidential elections. chances are, you will get totally irritated and numb. well, you'd feel somehow happy and contented, kung addict ka. but in general, too much lollipop is as bad as sticking one in your ass before licking it. the parallelism of the latter statement in this topic? lollipop would literally mean the candy, and the "ass" would be gloria. (checking revised penal code if this is already seditious. ugh that darn nincompoop!)

i dont know, one need not have a college degree to realize that all that she said in the 2006 SONA is glaring, not to mention manipulative.

basic elementary question, where will she get the fundings for it? too many mega-projects and yet she is just banking on the "increased" revenue the fiscal reform legislations have brought to the nation's coffers. c'mon bitch, i mean, ma'am, you need not be the girl who stared at clinton and stared at his ass in georgetown to know that you simply do not have the enough funds to complete all your promises. okay, granting that you do, as far as i have seen in the television, the average estimated cost for all of these is at 100 billion. too much of a moolah to regret providing at least a couple of ten billions to build schools and classrooms, and a couple of tens of billions to provide for a descent health and housing service.

dont give me too many technical figures as if i know nothing because it is a simple 1+1 is 2 provided that the requisites for it are present.

my initial reaction is that oh-there-goes-her-ticket-off-the-next-round-of-impeachment-complaints-she-is-facing.

c'mon, this is a country of too many helpless and cheated people, at least for once tell us the truth as regards to our country's state and step off your elevated geri haliwell shoes to know how it feels to dip your feet in the pile of dung you have brought us.

i am sorry for those who were expecting a more scholarly discussion of my reactions and opinion. believe me, i did intend to make a scholarly post, but hey, i am only human; you cannot expect me not to frown when a bitch looks for a dog for her own survival.

tell me i am not a dog, dawg!

believing in the power of rest

just when i thought things are once again turninga bit sour as presure piles higher every time i move deeper in this law school indeavor, life, once again, proves itself to be continuously rocking.

i dont know, maybe going through everything i have been through in the past two years i have slowly learned that life glitters at every simple shiny object it stumbles upon.

a tranquil fx ride home in a stormy evening; an LRT ride to cubao nightly after a day of reading, memorizing, digesting, and a night of "thank-you-sit-down's"; telephone conversation; a simple message of hi; few moments like this in front of this computer, surfing even if tomorrow is another day of recit; sunshine...

too many things that hinder me to stop and see how mornings start with a dew instead of an axe of "bokya" looming on my head; that night times are are spent with city lights i have grown to adore since i was a kid instead of mulling ang sulkin gover the wrong answer i have given in the few minutes of shame or fame that highly affects the outcome of the rest of my life. yet too many things keep reminding me that it aint cool to breeze thoroughly through a lonely buzzway. you gotta have the traffic to keep the thrill alive.

life rocks