FAKFBAEFjkbvadlcnacnilenf;awemfe;afca!!!!!!!

i have said to myself a lot of times in the past that i am so open to criticisms. and a lot of times that i have exhibited such openness. but i guess things are a lot more different at this very moment when i sacrifice something big for a responsibility i took.

just when is forgivable becomes unforgivable? i admit that i cannot please everybody. but it sucks to think that i have done substantially well that a minor mistake over something becomes unworthy for criticism. or maybe, i think about it for myself? i do not know. i subscribe to the saying that other people are someone's best judges. i guess i really i suck. no i guess they all suck to have a different standard as i do. and that they think theirs is better than mine. no, it sucks that i think mine is better than theirs. aaaarrrrgggghhhhhh! to hell with all of these people with their dirty pie holes.

this is bad because i should take the criticism openly. tomorrow i will fact this professionally, but lemme just have this moment to grieve for myself please.

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pre-boards

in thirty minutes i will be taking my first pre-board exams. the pre-boards will run till tomorrow and will cover the seven board subjects that we are about to take. this is what people call in boxing as "sparring." so what am i so nervous of? we have thirty minutes before test time; i already have my documents, pencils, calculator, and eraser for the exams. but i do not have a darn sharpener! that's what! and oh yeah, i am seated here instead of scouring the vicinity of P Campa up to FEU to look for one. i did a couple of minutes ago until i saw this shop and had the urge to write something before i take the boards.

if fail that test or will not achieve a score that will significantly give me a dash of hope to pass it, i will surely contemplate on not taking the actual boards at all. but contrary to what others are feeling, i feel a little lighter. perhaps i feel no pressure because i am quite confident of the subjects we will take today. tomorrow will be a different story though because it then that we will take advance accounting, managerial accounting, tax, business law. that i have to take depressants to calm my nerves. nah!!!

i saw a group of mountaineers some few minutes ago. and judging by the way they look and the proximity of the store, i can say that they are FEU mountaineers. i have been a part of the group when i was still a freshman in FEU. but i never got the chance to climb with them. anyway, when i saw them i am reminded that hey i was a free spirited person and i used to take things to edge. and now i am a big walking boring stag

come a little closer, flicker to flight
we're about to have an inch space
but im here, i can breather in what you breathe out

let me know if im doing this right
let me know if my grip's too tight
let me know if i can stay all of my life
let me know if dreams can come true
let me know if this one's for you
coz i feel it right here
coz i feel you right here

i miss my daisy!!!!!!

in a quandary

have you ever wandered and wondered where the hell in this big earth are you going? i do! it happens to me quite often these days. oh yeah i am going to graduate this coming march 31, and i am happy for it. but along with that happiness is weariness as to what am i going to do with my life.

well that is not exactly accurate. i know what do i want to do, and what do i want to happen. yeah, a friend of mine once said that the good thing in me is that i know what i want and if i keep my sight unto it i would know just how to get it.

i just hope such thing is still true at this very moment.

there are so many things i would want to accomplish and i cannot see myself anywhere nearer from them. i tried to achieve one thing at a time but i am not satisfied with what i am doing with my life. i do not want to burn myself anymore in thinking how am i going to get the ball rolling once again.

bored

i am so bored with my life. if only not for daisy, who keeps me company in moments i do not know what i turned myself into and in times all i want to do is o kid around, i am going to get a slug in my head out of boredom.

i used to chill out every Saturday night and get the hang of the weekend bumming period. but not anymore. i used to trek low lying hills and cliffs to get something new aside from gray filth and horrendous traffic jams. but not anymore. i used to backpack at a random place i have never gone to and see if i can still get my sorry ass back to civilization. but not anymore. i used to swim for the hype of competitions. but not anymore. i used to have my ass kicked in mush pits and UP fairs, but not anymore.

there are so many things i am missing now a day. what sucks is that i know what is wrong with me, but i cannot do something about it. i am a prisoner of my own dreams. people tell me not to stop dreaming for it is in it that i can get satisfaction in what i am doing. but such is the contrary at this exact moment.

the dreams i have are the exact reasons why i am killing the self that i was.

23rd

the sweetest thing in one mans life is to see her girl sitting on his couch, catching up on the years he had spent before he met her, laughing at the way he dressed like old mcdonald in a school program he performed at when he was a kid, giggling on the way he donned a white sando an underwear all things he thought then is that the thing between his legs is a bird; see how she interacts with his family, how his family is loving her, how she plays with his favorite cousin.

nothing could be more awesome than spending his day with her, as if telling her that there is more in his life ahead that they both would share on. somehow, the noise of the outside world suddenly seized from screaming, and all that existed was him and her. it felt as if the world stopped from spinning to witness how life begins for the both of them.

nothing could be more sweeter than to hold her close, savor the comfort of silence between them. run his finger on hers as if tomorrow will be gone today. nothing could be more sweeter than catching him staring at her and knows already the meaning of the words kept.

nothing could be more sweeter than to say nothing and feel the security they both bring. the meaning of their stares, the feeling of his hands on hers... and the brief moment where their worlds connived for an undening manifestation of the single most fundamental reason why they both love the way each other first said hi.