i was asked by a friend...

"what was the one thing that came your way that you never expected and changed your life?"

-daisy sebastian

stand

a lot of people have been asking me what my stand in the country's current political situation. for one i am elated that i will get to express what i feel, especially in politics, where i am most interested. but come to think of it. why do people had to ask each other their stand?

we are governed by rules, of course, muto propio, our stand always be what is legally just!

dont get me wrong, being a member of aksyon kabataan having seen what the country has become after victory, i hate her a lot. but that dont give me the right, or anyone for that matter, to put matters in my own hands, disregarding gravely what the constitution has laid for us.

i hope she resigns. but i guess she will not. i hope someone will file an impeachment case or a new complaint against at the Presidential Electoral Tribunal. i hope i wont get to her face in my television.

but not at the expense of what is within the bounds of legality.

just about time

i have tried containing myself from writing about this because this is between her and me and yeah, anything close to this topic will give people the creeps. but hey, the hell other people care, this is my space.

i was in nueva ecija yesterday to be with my girlfriend. for one moment, i tried recalling all of the shity things i have done, especially to my ex. i guess, for one moment, i never thought that i could be good to anyone. but not this time.

yeah, i have gone astray for quite a while, but that ended the same day i stopped denying her presence. i was apprehensive i must admit. i do not know who had the problem, but i never was able to please anyone. but not this time.

i guess, i just changed a lot and i see things in a very different perspective now. for one i am overwhelmed by guilt that not much had experienced this better me in the past and that i changed too late for my ex. but the hell, no one made to. i am just so happy that i changed in time for the best in this friggin existence - daisy sebastian.

she is my shot of sanity.

and yes, forty seven months to go... i will get there

oxymoron

life is oxymoronic, so did my girlfriend say. the more it suck, the more it becomes beautiful...

maybe to her who had too many reasons to be happy of. maybe to her who graduated on time. maybe to her who never had the same problems that i did. maybe to her who had what she wanted. maybe to her who knows what else does she want. maybe to her.

but she showed me the beauty of everything that i have gone thru. and yes, had i not experienced every bit of it, i wouldnt have had myself in this circumstance.

i wouldnt have had known the value of trust. i wouldnt have had known the value of everything that we have. i wouldnt have had met her. in every deep shit, there is a reason to sniff the daisies. all it takes is matter of seeing life in a different perspective.

dualism, (i think) is what this world is made of. no doughnut without a hole, no man without the soul, no righteousness without sin, no happiness without grief.

indeed, life is oxymoronic

writer's block

can i even call myself a writer? ah ewan. this is the second to the last day of our presswork. we are already on the process of laying out the paper and tomorrow we will proofread and pass it for printing.everythign is in placed except for one thing. i failed, for the nth time, to finalize our editorial. i managed to write one but scrapped it because it was not good. now im in the nick of time. the problem is i can't write a thing.

searching for my voc.

i rode an fx this morning after alighting a trike. i paid P35 for the FX ride. i alighted at cubao. went to gateway mall that leads directly to the lrt station. its a good thing escalators were invented.

i saw a blue jeep just now as i am writing this. i pity myself for losing my voc. i tried studying accounting just a while ago, but to no avail.

i lost my voc and now i can't count. there is something wrong with this day.

at this very moment, i want to stand from where i am sited, logout, ride the lrt, ride a "5 star" bus that goes all the way to cabanatuan. i will aight at bulualto, san miguel and take the trike ride all the way to bargy pulo. but that has to wait till the 26th of this month.

the keyboard of this computer is extra soft. errrrrr i cant think of a more politically corect term. ah basta.

searching for my voc

i read one blog before i start writing this. wala lang, sinabi ko lang

searching for my voc

kung kailan pa nawalan ng ila, saka pa naging malinaw.

can you take it all away. can you take it all away.

wait, i still dont what the next song is. i am trying desperately to regain my voc and get this first presswork over with. i ate a spam and sunny side up at the caf. it didnt taste that good.

i am struggling to write something sensible

i have re-enrolled myself in the undergrad studies. this is by far the closest i got from my friggin diploma. i will not sulk anymore. this is my terminal year in the undergrad, better things are about to come from here.

to do list:
1. take and pass the CPA board exams
2. enroll and stay in the college of law till i finish it
3. get a job in a law firm or the congress
4. start my long stalled business
5. think of other ways to contribute in nation building aside from joining the mainstream political race
6. perhaps write for the young star, pdi and FHM
7.perhaps work for SGV for half a year then apply for a job at Asian Development Bank
8. top the bar exams
9. marry her

comment,a violent at that

I wrote
______________________________
There was a time in my life where my being an anti-church made me question the existence of my God. For quite a time, the church has been perverting the teachings of God that the church made me question Christ’s divinity. I have been an atheist for I thought there things in supposed God’s existence which are illogical and has not touched my sense of empiricism.But later did I learn that atheism occurs because people don’t want the idea that they have something they do not know. Religion and rationality are not parallel and therefore the existence of God can never be attributed to the inquisitive mind and what it knows, rather what the heart feels.And so, atheism is not for me.Philosophizing is not for philosophy majors only. If you think I am wrong, then the hell with you, this is what I believe in.

Anonymous wrote
_____________________________
I've never met an atheist who had that motivation. It's arguable, though, that some people are religious theists because the answer "I don't know" (why something happened, why humans exist) is unappealing and "God did it" provides a comforting answer.Don't generalize about atheists when you weren't even one to begin with. It's arrogant.

I wrote back
___________________________
thank you for the comment; i will respect your piece. but really now, what's wrong with people admitting that they have something that they do not know, cannot understand or cannot explain?oh i have been one believe me. i may have kept my silence but i was questioning the existence of God and i have developed a cynicism towards him and towards religion in general. why? because there are things in people's religiosity and Christ's divinity which i cannot explain.yeah your argument is correct; humans attribute everything that they do not know to God's works. i too once shared with you that same argument. but look at it in different way. inquisitive people are suckers for empowerment for everything that they know and can explain. however, inquisitive people, who seek the truth about God, could not explain fully his existence and works, therefore, atheism becomes their comfort zone for everything that they could not explain. im sorry if i sounded so arrogant to you
__________________________

often, people see everything that they want to see in a different perspective as the way everybody see it.. and it is in believing what they know and turns out to be wrong that makes them human...

one decade of shitting together

i am missing my bestfriend so much. i lost her because she went to glendale and then one thing led to another till i no longer know where to look for her and worst, i no longer know how to make her talk to me again. this is hard i must say, but it is harder because it made me misss out some of the people that i still have.

in my previous post regarding chielot, my bestfriend, i wrote there that i miss her. days after, marge commented: "tol ako ba ito."

bam! dogshit!

what am i doing in my own corner sulking for the lost whereas i still have people with me. people who shared valuable moments with me. (uuullllkkkkk, am i sounding gay already?shit!)

anyway, i should stop crying over something who's no longer mine. chielot decided to be on her own and i have to respect that.

i am letting her go. there are so many things in this friggin existence to thank for that i cant spend a lot of my time sulking over something which has already become a thing in the past.

i am still hoping that somehow chielot will be back. but if she wont then id thank her for the moments i had with her. i am moving on. and this time i can see clearly the people that I can sit and shit with and still laugh at the moment.

thanks marge. i do not know the exact date, but i can remember that it was in june of 1995 when you stepped in the class. that was the beginning of this.

and it has been a decade since...

i would rather have one single breath on her hair, one single touch on her hands, one single kiss on her lips...

just one...

than an eternity without it...