bah humbug

someone stole my money from my bag. i dont know when the crime happened. all i know is that just when i was about to leave for the mall i found out that the four thousand i was keeping inside my bag was gone.

i was about to buy myself a pair of new shirts, a pair of sneakers and another gift for daisy out of that money. i have saved it for this day, thinking that i have been starving myself too much just to save for my law school that this is the time that i actually take a portion of that savings and pamper myself. and now its gone. i am here at a netopia shop here in SM fairview, seated trying to make sense out of what happened. and i am five thousand short of my supposed "holiday shopping." wana know how much is in my pocket? one hundred pesos. well its two hundred when i arrived here and buying daisy something was the first thing in my mind. cant blame, that's how much i love my girlfriend.

okay, since i found out that my money is missing, my supposed happy holiday turned sour. and shity things have started to sink in. darn shitty things.

i wish i know who took my money because it sucks to lose it. worst, it sucks to lose it inside the house, where everybody is sanguitily related to you. i wish i know where to get the money to pay for my law school. i wish i know how to pass my upcoming CPA board exams. i wish mom and dad are with me today, i may not be having this problem if they are. daisy is staying at her bestfriend's house for the night, its practically ok except for the thought that her bestfriend hates me. i am not wishing that she'd like me as daisy's bestfriend, but i am wishing that she'd not hate me as if i am up to no good with daisy. well for a certain time i never gave a damn anymore. i mean her bestfriend is insignifcant to me and she has nothing to do with my relationship with daisy. but in the long run it sank on me that hey why be hated when i have done nothing bad?

i hope tomorrow will be better when i go cabanatuan to see daisy.

santa was here

our Editorial in the Christmas issue of the paper

Santa Claus was here and mingled with us. yes, he existed together with his red nosed reindeer, his elves, Frosty the snowman, and the Grinch.

he was here and existed because we were kids who never knew how to ask. Santa et al personified the kid inside us; the kid that knew no unreasonable realities and empirical impossibilities. they all existed because we never clouded our minds with the hundreds of reasons that disputed their existence. we never allowed the realities that the north pole is inhabitable and that deer dont fly dispute the chance for us to believe. we held our belief strong until we learned that there is already no sense in waiting for saint nick to sneak through the chimney to drop our presents.

we had immersed ourselves into complications that we had forgotten some of the things that are essential in this world. what is essential indeed is invisible to the eyes, which only the heart can see. the essential idea behind Santa's existence is not the presents he gives to good boys and girls, but rather the ideas of charity, compassion and obedience. behind the big bearded man and the abominable snowman are not the ideas of flying deer and carrot nose, but rather the most essential reason that they and Christmas co-exist - love.

to believe in them is to be human. it is not to embrace the silliness of their stories, but to remember the reason why they were taught to us in the first place. there is still sense in waiting for santa to come, or for the polar express to come chugging in, because it is in believing that we humans shed off the invulnerability our knowledge had imposed on our being.

stressed

yesterday was the culmination of my stressful week, i hope.

life has never been different in the review school. it is constant pressure pressure pressure.

when i arrived at beda i found out that our december issue has never been released yet. when i called the press they advised me to wait as they will deliver the papers around 1:30 in the afternoon. just tell me where in God's green earth covered with gray filth did you see a newspaper being released at 1:30 in the afternoon?

then the editorial board had a meeting. i knew it, jo never had to call the meeting for me to know that a problem is simmering somewhere. Bernie got mad because he felt so left out in the last presswork. i cannot blame him, i know that we all became complacent, except for him.

i wanted to get mad at them at that instant. i thought they understand. i thought that it is okay with them that i dont show myself after i finalize all articles. i thought their silenced meant approval. but i never got mad at them because on one point they have a valid reason to feel that way. i just hope they'd understand my situation and that they would see the sacrifices i have to make just to dispense my responsibilities as the editor in chief and as a cpa board reviewee. i wanted to show them the quizzers i failed to answer and the quizzers that was marred with wrong answers because i was in the printing press, editing their articles that are delayed in the first place. but i never did because working for the paper is what i am called to do being its top honcho. it should not be a favor to them for it is my obligation. i am only hoping that they'd understand, as much as i try to understand them as to why their articles were delayed.

then as joana and i were patching some things up in our working relationship as EIC and Managing editor, the team captain of one of our varsity team barged into our office and acted to un-bedanly. yuck! it is as if her twang can even compensate her lack of breeding and femininity. i tried to hold my horse off, until the bitch was already screaming inside the office. the next thing i know i was going head with that ill bred bedan.

sigh. im tired

CRC-ACE

ok i have been gone for a month? i dont know. it is now hard to maintain a blog with my current to-do's. im a reviewee in the morning till 12 in the afternoon, student in the afternoon and reviewee again in the evening, it has been this way for a month now.

the pressure of the board exams never dawned on me until i attended the review sessions at CRC-ACE review canter. it felt like reunion with my former accounting gurus but the pressure has doubled compared to the times when all i was trying to do was to pass their subjects in the undergrad.

on one hand it is so nice to see myself attending the review sessions, it signified that i am almost thru with accounting. not everybody in Beda graduates as an accountancy major. one has to bleed his way thru it. graduating as one is more than enough for me to have the necessary skills and confidence that i can take on life's next level (ulllkk, so dramatic)

on the other hand, life has never been tough for me before. graduating as an accountancy student is one thing, passing the board is another. since i already have punished myself by sticking it out in the accountancy program i might as well take a shot at the board exams. and it has never been too tough.